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Where Can I Get It

April 07, 2020

Where, in the world, can we go to escape this Covid-19.
For the maps of the world now show the huge number of deaths unforeseen.

But by far the biggest upset and made me break out in sweat.
Was the shortage of paper, it sure ‘twas no caper

You’ve guessed it – I’m willing to bet.

I went to the market nearby. What I saw made me heave a big sigh.
A note that was posted by New World staff read – and this made me laugh.
“We’re out. Just wait a bit longer – ‘twill make your bowel muscles stronger.”

Dunny paper, loo paper, bog roll – whatever the name, it sure takes its toll.
When you find it’s completely cleaned out … the last pack was grabbed by a selfish young lout
Causing a nationwide loo paper drought.

We all remember the time long ago, when our parents were frugal – and short of dough.
They’d buy some apples in a forty-pound crate - two quid, plus five bob just for the freight.

My job was to smooth out the tissue – ‘twas not such a very big issue –
And, voila, there’s a good week’s supply. It was thin and only one ply
But just as good as the stuff you could buy.

Come winter when apples were in short supply, the daily paper was used – or we’d let it drip-dry.
It hung on a nail by the long-drop door, with news to read, I couldn’t ask for more.
The Saturday crossword was a bonus for Dad. If someone had solved it, he really got mad.

Now, in this mad world that we live in with the dozens of choices we’re given
It takes me an hour just to pick the right stuff … the decision of value for money is tough.

Long roll or short roll, perfumed or plain, the hard or the soft that will cause you no pain
The crinkled or smooth, the checks or the roses, that smell so sweet and is kind to our noses

There’s even a roll with Trump’s face on each square.
The Democrats love that, I do declare.

All that aside, I must return to my gripe … all I’m after is any sort of wipe
That’ll get me through this enforced lock-down, without driving madly right across town

Where can I go to satisfy my need and thwart the panic-buyers, fuelled by greed?
Ah! I know the place that will serve me well, Ed Hillary – the place where I dwell.

Their loos are well stocked with the vital commodity. That rolls are still there is really an oddity
For hand wash and cleaners have long disappeared, that loo paper’s there for the taking is weird.

So, I’m all set up for that long month ahead. My craving for paper is finally fed.
Thank you, Ed Hillary, I‘ve avoided the scrum and got the vitals for wiping my bum.

Liz Calvert
Edmund Hillary Retirement Village

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